The Day I Farted On The Bus On My Way To Lagos Island...

Sharer - Anonymous:

So this crazy thing happened to me some months back. It’s so funny, I have to share it. So one afternoon in Lagos, I got on this bus going to CMS from Oshodi. I had eaten beans and corn before leaving home. Just a few spoons sha. I didn’t want to at first, because I knew what beans does to me, but I figured a few spoons wouldn’t cause me any harm. Brethren, I was wrong...

I had only just gotten on the bus, trying to settle in and prepare for the journey ahead, when my insides started to twist and turn. It was then I knew I was in trouble. What I was trying to avoid was happening. A fart was coming and it was big and mighty.

I realized I had a problem, how to fix it was the next thing. I needed to salvage the situation and fast too. I analyzed my situation and realized I had only two options. I could either let it out or keep it in. As a good Nigerian and as per me being in a public place and all, I chose to keep it in, but gradually, it began to dawn on me that the situation was beyond me.

Brethren, verily I say unto you, I tried, but damn! In my whole life, I’ve never harbored a fart so stubborn. It was a tug of war to be honest. As it struggled to escape, I struggled to keep it in. I tried my best.  But I gradually began to realize even my best couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I became uncomfortable. I began to sweat profusely. Brethren, I was left with no other choice, so I did it. Yes! I calmly sat back, crossed my legs, relaxed my behind and let it out confidently and silently and I ain’t even gonna lie, it felt so good. Lol... I set 'Breezy' free!!! Who was I to stop it from experiencing the freedom it deserved, anyway?

It didn’t take long before the other passengers started to testify to the presence of 'Breezy' already exercising its new found freedom inside the bus. I was still enjoying the relief from the release when one brother hurriedly covered his nose and started shouting “Driver Park! ...I said park now!” Lol… 'Mr. Breezy' had set to work. The guy was shouting so loud, his eyes and all the veins in his neck were bulging. I thought they would pop or something. I felt guilty but the commotion my action had caused felt so good to observe.

One by one, each of the passengers started to testify. Everybody hurriedly tried getting their head outside through the nearest window just to get some fresh air. The smell was highly disgusting, even I myself had to cover my nose. The bus driver then asked, “wetin happen” but no one needed to answer his question. 'Mr. Breezy' didn't waste time in giving him the answer. He didn’t even shout, he just swiftly brought the bus to a halt. Lwkmd...

It was that day I knew it’s not only tear gas that can disperse people. Immediately the driver parked, you need to have witnessed how everybody scampered out.  You know how Lagosians rush, almost climbing on top of each other just to get on a bus? It was like that.  Even me that caused the whole commotion joined them in scampering out of the bus oh! Not doing so, meant me being suspected as the perpetrator (which was me of course. Lol…). No way was I going to allow that happen.

”This one wey everybody run kommot from bus so… Who kon mess that mess?!” One passenger blurted out in anger. “All of una dey form innocent abi?!” “Even the owner of the mess dey run from him own mess” Hahah… As funny as the situation was, you would think everyone would laugh it off, but nope! No one was not having it at all that day.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, after a few curses which I repeatedly nullified inside my mind with a “I reject it in Jesus Name” word of prayer, We all got back into the bus and continued the rest of the journey.

For a moment, my village people wanted to get into my head and trick me into confessing my deed but God forbid. I overpowered them and kept my mouth shut. Lmao!!!